Perth, Western Australia — Luana De Faveri was fined 1,000 Australian dollars after pleading guilty to two breaches of the Liquor Control Act. Luana, a barmaid in the town of Peel, used to squash beer cans with her titties and entertained customers by hanging spoons off her nipples.
The beer-can-smashing was fairly easy, it seems, but the spoon-hanging was tougher: another barmaid, Tracey Leslie, was also fined 500 dollars for helping Luana to hang the spoons. Also a breach of the Liquor Control Act.
Now, I don't know about where you live, but over here, our liquor laws say things about when the pub can open, and what time it has to shut, what sort of crooks can't run a pub, how old you have to be to buy a drink. The routine stuff. But as far as I knew, it said nothing about tits.
Just to be absolutely sure, I downloaded a copy of the Intoxicating Liquor Act, cracked open a bottle of Wild Turkey and went through it from cover to exhilarating cover, and do you know something? I was astounded by the things I found in there.
Did you know, for instance, that a pub-owner can't serve liquor to a drunken person, or allow drunkenness to take place in the bar?
Eh, what? Isn't that the whole point of bars, or have I moved to the Planet Pancake without knowing it? No drunkenness in bars. Hmm. I can see that working in Ireland. Like no shagging in whorehouses.
Anyway, I read on down through the Act: blah blah powers of entry blah blah persons under 18 blah blah regulation, jurisdiction, special exemption order blah blah blah fucking blah.
Nope. Nothing.
I thought maybe I might see something under Section (7) Duty of licensee to preserve order:
7(1)(a) Beer-can squashing is permissible only with the use of hands, heels or clenched buttocks. Destruction of beer-cans by means of breasts or any other appendage is hereby prohibited.
7(1)(b) Spoon-hanging. Spoons, knives, forks, can-openers (manual but not electric) may be balanced on, but not hung from, barmaids' breasts.
That's what I thought it would say, but no. Not a single word does the Irish liquor law say about boobies. Incredible. Not there.
Obviously, the Australian law-makers are a lot more thorough than ours.
The cops were firm: The fines send a clear message that we will not tolerate this type of behaviour in our licensed premises.
I love the last part of the police statement: the bar manager was fined 1,000 dollars for failing to stop the pair.
From the Australian Drink Guidelines:
"There is a link between various environmental factors, and aggression and harm in licensed environments. These include overcrowding, a predominantly young male crowd, boring entertainment, loud music, little provision of food, cheap drinks and high levels of intoxication, combined with aggressive bouncers and confrontational staff, low standards of furnishing and upkeep, and poor ventilation."
Maybe it's the aggressive bouncers?
More
here.
They probably didn't give a castlemaine 4x
but did she wash her hands before serving anyone?
how did she know she could squash beer cans and hang spoons. I mean thats not something you try in every day work and play. Just makes you think ofthe endless possibilties that you could be doing with your body if only you try.
Benny: Yeah. I reckon you're right. Those aggressive bouncers are always a problem.
Ash: My Australian isn't that fluent.
Savannah: My understanding is that the lady doesn't use her hands at all.
Dell Boy: Indeed. Perhaps the idea came while crushing cloves of garlic, or killing a small animal for the dinner. Or both.
"I reckon you’re right. Those aggressive bouncers are always a problem."
Especially if you've gone and burned your bra.
Hi guys,
yep it's me, Luana!
What a waste of taxpayers money, sending two undercover cops in a pub to watch a skimpy for 20 minutes…oh well!!!
If you want to see me in person make sure you come to the Voodoo Lounge strip club in Perth, where I perform wednesday through saturday. And if you can't come all the way to WA I still got good news for ya: I am going to be in The Picture magazine really soon….
xoxo
Luana