Mr Bananas: I don't have a picture of the scallywag at the moment, but I'll keep searching and put him on display when I can.

You might get a laugh out of this

Mikell

My seat belt summons and court appearance

The chubby but cheerless Bitch Ban Guarda sat chewing razor blades, waiting. The fella behind me, who had major previous, coughed loudly spraying me in the process. Suits and wigs whirled about fluttering with papers and fancy talk. The place was heavy in scum bags and constabulary. Names were called, numbers read out, statements taken into evidence lots of humming and hawing .

And then my name dropped and the world stopped, which caught out the scum bags and guards who lurched forward, and I cleared my throat and went through my speech one more time. Like a breath of stale air the charge was exhaled by the Bitter Mouthed Bitch Ban Guarda ( for simplicity that's BMBBG ) .
I paused, steadied myself, successfully avoided scratching my balls which I always do when nervous, ahemed one more a time and read from my prepared speech .

" Guilty judge " .

And he looked down at me seeking further clarification . I crystallised the situation for him,

" As charged "

The ball sped back into BMBBG's court, she was visibly taken aback by my honesty. She countered with the allegation that I hadn't paid the fine and, reading again from my prepared script ,

" Guilty Judge "

Tom stared down at me looking a little perplexed. He reached for his hammer and was about to send me down to our own Kevin Barry's Gallows abroad on Mulgrave street, when I produced the "afadavit"

The same afterdavid which was still wet with the signature ink from one our own North Side City Councillors . BMBBG reached for her smelling salts, but the clerk of court had swiped them and was administering same to Tom O'D. The deafening silence was only broken by another splutter from the multiple previous behind me, whose knees were now digging into my lower back.

Tom came too, glared down at BMBBG .

" Dismissed "

So unlike Charles Haughy and similar to Nelson Mandela , I walked away a free man, reputation and integrity intact. BMBBG remains bewildered and has been shunned by her colleagues. Tom took early retirement.